Warning: if your layoff is fresh, you may need to let a scab start laying down before you can laugh about it. By continuing to use this site you agree that you will not attack the author, who is surprisingly sensitive to mean words.
Note: the emotional stages of unemployment vary depending on:
(1) how much you need your paycheck every week to sustain life.
(2) how much you loved, or hated, your job.
Stage 1: WTF Just Happened?
It’s not just you who is asking, “What the fluff just happened?”
Companies always vie for the element of surprise when letting people go. They claim to do this to preempt employees from doing nefarious things in the days or weeks before their job ends, as if we have not only the motivation to do damage, but also the know-how, the means, the desire, the time, and, yes, the energy. What the fluff indeed.
Instead I surmise that in every C-suite is someone who was severely bullied in school and had substantially large kids jumping out at them from behind locker doors, in hallways which were normally teaming with hormonal teenage witnesses, but are suddenly devoid of all human life, such that when said victim was, perhaps, grabbed by the shirt collar and slammed up against the locker doors (very hard, eliciting an attention-getting bang) and told if they talked about this person (the bully) behind their backs again they would get their a\(beaten (meaning more than just their a\)), and maybe, in the process, the victim’s precious gold chain with dangling cross (surely a sign of said victim’s wholesomeness and purity) may have been broken, signifying a deeper breaking within their psyche. Or maybe that was just me.
It’s okay. It only happened once and me and that very large, strong softball-playing girl eventually became friendly acquaintances, if not friends, in English class later that year. And a second girl, who laughed as said victim was thrown up against the locker, later became my very best friend. For years.
Okay forget about getting laid off – what the lord savior is wrong with teenage girls?? Is this still happening?
Getting back to the topic at hand, the point is that you were probably surprised by the news that you no longer had a job.
Whether or not you appeared calm and collected on the outside while receiving the life-altering news, your adrenaline will have surged, much as it did in high school when you were thrown up against that locker. (Maybe that was just me.) Okay like it did in the immediate aftermath of your last car accident.
The adrenaline will have caused your voice to shake, your hands to shake, and your bowels to spasm. Unless you were taking loads of Xanax just to get through the day, this part was unavoidable. No shame in it, friend.
In the days and weeks after you leave the breaking-up meeting, whether in-person or virtual, your brain will be way down in the amygdala, searching for the large dangerous animal that just jumped out and hijacked your life. You may even find yourself looking around for the threat. This is also, in fact, completely normal.
You might cry. You might yell at your spouse. You might blame that high school bully for every bad thing that’s ever happened in your life. The only thing you need to know in this moment is: there is no lion. The situation is bad, I know. We all need money. But you’re not literally being eaten by a lion. Breathe deeply and repeat to yourself “I am not literally being eaten by a lion.” You’ve got this.
Stage 2: The Boss in the Basement
In this stage you’ve overcome the shock, at least temporarily, and you begin to feel obstinate. Even angry.
You may take immense pleasure in imagining the horrible demise of the powers that be for daring to imagine they could survive without you. You. The one who worked 10-12 hours a day, or weekends, or holidays, or all of the above, building spreadsheets that make AI look like a toy calculator, or keeping world-changing projects on track in spite of no money or resources, or finding ways to save millions of dollars through your keen talent for observation and efficiency.
If you didn’t like your boss, this stage may include imagining him/her/them working around the clock in a dark room built of concrete blocks, sans red stapler, located in the center of a burning inferno of hell for years in your absence, or eventually getting ‘the conversation’ themselves. No matter how dark your thoughts get, it’s normal. You are not turning into a serial killer.
My advice is not to dwell here longer than you must, but to avoid it altogether is not possible. Because, alas – you are human. Combine it with loud music and your favorite physical activity. Let its energy propel you on long runs on the beach as the sun beats down, glistening off your sweat. Showing up buff and tan in your next LinkedIn photo is its own reward.
Stage 3: Rebellions are Built on Hope #
There will come a point when hope begins to rise from the ashes. It may be fleeting or it may last, but it will come.
It may be the result of reading a job posting that truly excites you. A message from a recruiter that reminds you that everyone is valuable to someone.
You’ll feel in these moments that not only can you do this, but that you’re going to find a kick a$$ job making much more money and working for people who truly appreciate you (many people do!). It feels a bit like that time you made that impossible goal, or had people laughing hysterically during your sixth grade speech class, not at you but because you were genuinely hilarious.
The hopeful feeling may be fleeting, due only to the fact that you are merely human, and certainly not because the hope is unjustified. The human brain tries, in sometimes very unhelpful ways, to protect us from unpleasantness such as disappointment. Sucking down your hopeful feelings is just your brain trying to help you survive. Learn to ride the wave of hope when you have it, and remember that it will return when you don’t.
Stage 4: Hopelessness
This is without question the hardest stage of job loss. It is always darkest before the dawn, and it is always the most hopeless right before that next job comes along. It may come in the wake of being passed up for another candidate. In this stage you become convinced that you are completely unemployable in the field in which you’ve trained or chosen or simply fallen into, whether that’s as a brain surgeon or a garbage collector (ultimate respect to garbage collectors; what the fluff would we do without you?).
You will focus on every aspect of yourself that you see as disadvantageous. Your weight, your complexion, your age, that one white hair on your chin, the college you attended or dropped out of, the degree you pursued or didn’t pursue, that one ear that sits a little higher than the other, and the length of your second toe.
This is when you begin to see yourself living on the street, wearing every bit of clothing you own at the same time, and your jewelry too, twenty-two sets of hoop earrings hooked on to each other, pushing a shopping cart with that one broken freaking wheel that makes it continuously pull to the right, as if homelessness wasn’t enough! Then your right arm will get really buff from constantly correcting the cart and before you know it you’re just walking in circles going nowhere.
Hold steadfast, my friend. Your brain will try to convince you of all manner of negative things. But they are not true. Make a list of your top ten traits, whether you think they are applicable at work or not. Post that list where you can see it every day. And remember that you are special, and that you will in fact find another job.
Stages 2, 3, and 4 may repeat in any order for any period of time until you reach the final stage.
Stage 5 Resurrection
When you receive that next job offer, and you will receive that next offer my friend, you will feel higher than a kite. The longer the dry spell between jobs, the higher you will feel.
If you’re not here already, you will be.
May your job title make your previous employer burn with envy, may the pay make them feel daft, may the benefits be supreme, and may your boss be in line for sainthood!